Update on Blahing status..

So here goes the blah....

Highlights of the week:

• 24Th Feb, 2007 : Getting engaged finally after a loooooooooooooooooooong wait.....yippee...
• Suicidal slavery coming close to an end.....(just a day more)
• Fatigue and depression sapping the best out of me.....(since about 2 long never ending days)
• One more week to bear and wade through before I get to be in my heavenly abode...(AV, I'm coming)

Hmm...random thoughts.....
How easy is it for people to negate a long period of doubtless commitment and hard work done by others just because it is not ENTIRELY (read..highly hopeful to the point of impracticality)conducive to their requirements?
Answer: apparently Very easy and if you look around....very common.

How do you deal with such a situation?
Answer: For the time that you're in shock and denial, you keep asking yourself if you were short of delivering what was required of you. After spending an aeon mulling over it again and all over again, if and when you finally conclude that you optimally WEREN'T, you face the next obvious Q, do you just shrug and ignore? Or do you stand up to defend yourself? Well, self-respect demands your support, but what do you do if you really are sympathetic to the person and still in denial and left wondering if it was really meant the way it was said?

If you make any sense out of this, appreciative, If you don't, you've lost nothing. move on...

But the whole situation really affected me more deeply than I thought it would. It pushed me to a stage where I wanted to go out of my way to give what was wanted from me, putting a lot of my other priorities at stake. Even now, even if I'm not responding it to it, I'm basically punishing myself for not being able to live up to every one's expectations..

The whole point is...CAN YOU? Is it humanely possible to satisfy every one's expectations regardless of their justifications? No. It is not. Really gives me a new in depth understanding and dimension to the whole need for learning to say NO. Realisations and similar experiences rush in at this point showcasing my real weakness as not being able to say No. Wow, that clarifies a lot.

I cant say it will change hitherto but every future failure will be a conscious and expected one and not a surprise attack.Not feeling any better but definitely have an insight.

And about my engagement?? :) Hmm regular affair...cemented a long existing commitment..(not that I needed it) but was all fun. Really, the whole process of getting closer to someone not incidentally but consciously, scrutinising every aspect, all I can call that is..... exhilarating. Challenging, yes, no doubt, but also somehow deeply satisfying. And also gives you ample opportunity to allay all your fears and unrealistic insecurities and expectations.At least makes you conscious of your thoughts.

So blah blah blah.....phew.... now as is popularly known...my brain often tends to wash itself over self-assurance ad nauseam. This is just one of those days wherein the power is gone & the washer is stuck but I really need my brain all clean and fresh. The peak where I'm actually missing the constantly irritating buzzing and whirring!!!!!Need to sleep on this one :)

Ciao.......

Full stop.

Am in my last few days of work at THE Shankar Narayan Architects......Was only a 6 month journey but feels like it has been forever.....

The Man : Awesome, softspoken, mmmmmmm, and a lot more.

Work : It was a wonderful experience all in all considering the variety of work I got to do...residences, banks, estimations, tenders, damn...just about everything!

Company: ahem......If it werent for Laas n recently Pal....I would've probably choked myself to death!And what to say about putting up with creepy people even the look of whom makes you feel nauseous and disgusted.....But I did have a lot of fun..... Coloring,,, Crosswords, Sudoku, sadistic humour which was just lost on dumb people, sometimes crazy work scheds, being told that Laas was about to die (every few minutes) yet seeing her alive(alas!!!!)...listening to Telugu songs ( eeeeeks) then listening to whatever we liked......THEN listening to Pallavi sing (The nightingale...truly)....was gr8..... Oh!!!!and the numerous weddings and Birthday parties we were unwantedly a part of!!The blaring dhinchak songs,,,the SEXY (ughh) voice of the Pujari....the resulting headaches... made me take some very important decisions about my own wedding,,,i.e no remix music, no mike near the pujari....to name a few....

Future :Phew, tough one,,, no clear path ahead....no sign of a much awaited and dreamed about Master's degree....hopefully somewhere it exists in my cards... Somewhere,I know I have it in me,,,just have to look for it deeper....Career insecurities ruling the roost right now.. :(
Will look for a good job in Bangalore which i'll like. Dreams galore!!
Till I find my own path, I go wherever life leads me on.

Lesson :Do not get typecast in one particular field,,,,be open to everything.

Well, that makes it three offices I worked in...but Auroville still stands out as the best for its unmatchable discipline and standards and blah blah....

Maybe, I'll edit this post later with my feedback letter from Shankar sir... :)

RL kept me away :( but also got me back..

Real life has just got to me to such an extent that I had to come here to vent myself out.
Its just amazing how your teeny tiny brain can retain sooo much information and feelings and knowledge. Doesnt it overwhelm any of you? I need to slow down once in a while and take stock of my highly dramatic emotional standards. So right now going through one of them......

Relationships......where do I stand? Im in the way of putting some on hold and Starting a whole new jargon of them which are gonna direct my life hitherto.... Freaking me out!!!
Have left so many people behind.....and moved on. left so many things behind which mattered a lot. Have found new things and people but is it justice to the ones not with me now?
Is it justice to me?
I resent changes, for the sole emotional pressure and havoc they bring along with them.

Life changes every second, so we have to move along with it. Then why do we invest so many emotions in people and things we are not sure will stay with us our entire life?

Well,, I myself cannot make any sense out of my random thoughts, so dont expect you to either....
Will be back with more positive and regular blogs.
Ciao