Highlights of the week:
- 24Th Feb, 2007 : Getting engaged finally after a loooooooooooooooooooong wait.....yippee...
- Suicidal slavery coming close to an end.....(just a day more)
- Fatigue and depression sapping the best out of me.....(since about 2 long never ending days)
- One more week to bear and wade through before I get to be in my heavenly abode...(AV, I'm coming)
How easy is it for people to negate a long period of doubtless commitment and hard work done by others just because it is not ENTIRELY (read..highly hopeful to the point of impracticality)conducive to their requirements?
Answer: apparently Very easy and if you look around....very common.
How do you deal with such a situation?
Answer: For the time that you're in shock and denial, you keep asking yourself if you were short of delivering what was required of you. After spending an aeon mulling over it again and all over again, if and when you finally conclude that you optimally WEREN'T, you face the next obvious Q, do you just shrug and ignore? Or do you stand up to defend yourself? Well, self-respect demands your support, but what do you do if you really are sympathetic to the person and still in denial and left wondering if it was really meant the way it was said?
If you make any sense out of this, appreciative, If you don't, you've lost nothing. move on...
But the whole situation really affected me more deeply than I thought it would. It pushed me to a stage where I wanted to go out of my way to give what was wanted from me, putting a lot of my other priorities at stake. Even now, even if I'm not responding it to it, I'm basically punishing myself for not being able to live up to every one's expectations..
The whole point is...CAN YOU? Is it humanely possible to satisfy every one's expectations regardless of their justifications? No. It is not. Really gives me a new in depth understanding and dimension to the whole need for learning to say NO. Realisations and similar experiences rush in at this point showcasing my real weakness as not being able to say No. Wow, that clarifies a lot.
I cant say it will change hitherto but every future failure will be a conscious and expected one and not a surprise attack.Not feeling any better but definitely have an insight.
And about my engagement?? :) Hmm regular affair...cemented a long existing commitment..(not that I needed it) but was all fun. Really, the whole process of getting closer to someone not incidentally but consciously, scrutinising every aspect, all I can call that is..... exhilarating. Challenging, yes, no doubt, but also somehow deeply satisfying. And also gives you ample opportunity to allay all your fears and unrealistic insecurities and expectations.At least makes you conscious of your thoughts.
So blah blah blah.....phew.... now as is popularly known...my brain often tends to wash itself over self-assurance ad nauseam. This is just one of those days wherein the power is gone & the washer is stuck but I really need my brain all clean and fresh. The peak where I'm actually missing the constantly irritating buzzing and whirring!!!!!Need to sleep on this one :)
Ciao.......
